Who is a Sexual Abuse Survivor and How Do we Begin to Heal?

Sexual abuse survivors are a group of individuals who have had their ability to enjoy sexuality as a sacred, life-enhancing experience violated as a result of sexual abuse.

We believe that sexual abuse encompasses a broad range of experiences, and while some might have been subtle, some were all-too graphic. Yet, in each experience, no matter what end of the continuum our experience falls upon, our core personal integrity was violated. A shattering of our worth, our dignity and self-esteem occurred.

Our experience includes the following forms of sexual exploitation. 

·       Incest

·       Rape, including date and marital rape

·       Prostitution, all forms of the sex industry including performing in porn or website productions 

·       Sexual harassment

·       Verbal sexual assault

·       Molestation

·       Inappropriate exposure to overly graphic sexual content in all arenas including the following: Internet, porn, magazines, or, forced to watch, or listen to, parents and or caregivers engaged in sexual activities

·       Priest or any other authority figure sexual abuse

·       Domestic and/or verbal violence where we are threatened with harm if we do not perform sexually.  

All sexual abuse is destructive to the victim, the perpetrator, and the entire community. There is no form of sexual abuse that can be tolerated—it is all unacceptable.

Healing The Split

As sexual abuse survivors, we let the power of the group help us heal what we call “The Split.” The split is our tendency to disassociate from our bodies during the sexual act. The split is a psychological phenomenon. To survive the abuse, we suspend high above the experience. It is now scientifically proven that children who are being abused leave their bodies.  Here are a few more terms for “The Split.”

·       Disassociation

·       Freezing or numbing emotions

·       Blocking out periods of time

·       An inability to live in the moment

·       Anxiety attacks

From this impaired perspective, without the awareness that recovery brings, we are locked into self-destructive patterns. For example, we might project the experiences of victimization onto our sexual experience. Perhaps sex has become an act, or something we feel is expected of us. We learned from our perpetrators that we were expected to “produce” on demand, and that we didn’t have the right to say no.   

Whatever our personal experiences might have been, as we participate in the recovery process, we learn that we do have the right to define our sexual experience in our own best interests. In the safety of our group, we will learn together how to make healthier choices with regards to our personal relationships and sexuality. We begin to set new boundaries, or choose a time of abstinence to allow ourselves to heal. By listening to other survivor’s stories, we have the opportunity to become whole, to heal the split. As Survivors In Recovery, we tell our stories as one of the methods of re-integration.

Those dark secrets that we kept buried deep within can come out. Once exposed to the sunlight of the spirit, our dark past becomes an asset that helps us bond with other survivors. We find new ways to experience our sexuality that empowers and is life-enhancing. We become whole.